


Insatiable

by chaerinsthighs



Series: Nothing Compares [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Canon Compliant, Crying, Drinking, Fingering, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Smut, i'm not even sorry, kiho, kiho rise, kiho thriving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 05:46:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15454647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaerinsthighs/pseuds/chaerinsthighs
Summary: Placed between the 8th and 9th chapters of the previous work.Alternative Title: Of Alcohol and Emotional Constipation.





	Insatiable

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo the kiho monthly theme dropped and I was thinking of writing something soft but guess what, no. So after a certain discussion in a certain chat I decided I would write this instead. 
> 
> Technically you don't necessarily need to read the first part, but I suggest you do it to understand their emotions and references to certain events better. 
> 
> Title from Darren Hayes' [Insatiable](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9u7hGkL57N8)   
> Props to my amazing beta [Tartar_dork](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tartar_dork)

“Why did they do this?”

Hoseok looks up from his glass. He’s sitting on the floor, his back against the cool wall of their hotel room in Madrid. Well, of Kihyun and Minhyuk’s hotel room in Madrid. Kihyun is sitting just a meter away from him, supporting himself on the bed behind him.

“Can’t you tell why?” he answers, looking down at his glass again. He downs its contents and pours some liquid in there again.

Of course he can. They both can. No reason to deny it, no reason to hide behind their finger. They’ve done that for so long. Of course their members were tired of their hide and seek. But Hoseok knows they were also tired of seeing them getting hurt too.

“So, what now?”

Now? Now they’re drunk, stuck in a hotel room, forced to face each other by their members. It’s been days since they last talked.

“I don’t know.”

He sees Kihyun fidgeting, playing with his own glass, drinking more. He seems ready to cry. Hoseok tells himself he deserves it. He knows he does. But his heart also aches.

“How do we fix this?”

Kihyun’s eyes are sincere as he asks, but Hoseok doesn’t trust him. He’s drunk. He can’t trust that he won’t take everything back tomorrow. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“Last time we kissed.”

Last time. Last time Kihyun was drunk in his presence. When he asked if Hoseok liked him. When he kissed him, kept him in his bed, just to leave the next morning and tell him that it was just an experiment, admitted to have taken advantage of Hoseok’s feelings for him. The day everything started going downhill.

Kihyun has apologised for that behaviour and Hoseok knows he meant that apology. But what about now? What about this time? How can he forgive Kihyun for hurting him again?

“That didn’t fix anything.”

Hoseok already knows that. He looks at Kihyun again. The younger is staring at him. He knows he craves to touch him. He can see it in his eyes. He moves his legs, spreading them on the floor. Kihyun’s eyes follow the movement in an instant.

“I know” he answers, wondering if Kihyun realises that he’s moving closer to him. But then again, they both are. They’re moving towards each other. And they’re drunk. They’re staring at each other. Their lips are now inches apart, parted, breathing out the alcohol on the other’s face, but neither cares.

Hoseok’s every instinct is telling him to run away. To leave. To protect his heart. That this is a mistake. That it will only hurt more afterwards.

And yet every inch of his body craves that contact, craves what’s in front of him, wants to touch Kihyun and Kihyun to touch him. His heart wants it too. Cause he loves him so much. Cause he wants to be one with Kihyun, even while knowing that that will tear his heart apart.

He breaks.

He grabs Kihyun’s face and crashes his lips on his. No need to be careful, he thinks. If he’s gonna be shuttered again, he might as well make tonight matter. He feels tears running from his eyes but he doesn’t care. Kihyun’s kissing him back and it’s all teeth and tongue and his hands are on his back, pulling him closer, and that’s all that matters right now.

He picks him up from the floor grabbing his thighs, throws him on the bed, pulls his shirt off. Kihyun is staring. He gets on top of him and removes his shirt as well.

Kihyun pulls him closer. Makes him lie on his back. Straddles his thighs. Runs his hand up and down his chest. Then he starts kissing. Lips, neck, shoulder, collarbone. He leaves wet kisses all over him. Hoseok’s hands go to the younger’s ass and squeeze, make him roll his hips on him.

But it’s not enough. He’s angry. He’s angry with himself. He turns them around getting on top of Kihyun again. Leans down and bites hard on his shoulder, sucking.

Kihyun moans. He doesn’t push him away. He doesn’t try to be careful either. He shoves his hands inside Hoseok’s jeans, gets one hand out again to undo the button and pushes it back in. The jeans easily slide a few inches lower and Kihyun pushes the underwear lower too. Now it’s Hoseok’s ass that’s getting groped, and oh does Hoseok like it.

Kihyun’s hands feel up his back muscles and Hoseok feels his nails digging in his skin as he bites another mark on Kihyun’s chest. He puts everything in what he’s doing. In every bite there’s his anger and frustration, in every mark he leaves on Kihyun’s skin there’s a piece of his broken heart.

Hoseok knows he deserves better. He knows Kihyun fucked up, that’s why he tries to stay away. So he hates himself, he hates himself because he’s still so in love with Kihyun it hurts every cell of his body. He hates himself because he understands Kihyun, he understands that he’s also hurt, what he’s going through. He’s seen it before.

So he can’t really bring himself to move on. He can’t forget Kihyun, because he understands that behind all his shitty behaviour are his own struggles. Hoseok knows he deserves better than that, but he knows that Kihyun deserves it too. And he hates to admit it, but deep down he still hopes.

He pulls back to unzip Kihyun’s jeans and takes them off, along with his underwear. He’s seen Kihyun naked before, but not like this. Not hard. Not on a bed, facing him, reciprocating the same need he has.

Kihyun sits up and gets rid of what’s left of Hoseok’s clothes and underwear too. They stare at each other for a mere second before kissing again, grinding, cupping each other’s butt cheeks, caressing thighs, hugging waists and scratching shoulders.

“I’m so drunk” Hoseok hears Kihyun whisper between kisses and bites. _I know_ , he thinks, _so am I_. He says nothing.

Instead, he pushes Kihyun down, making him lie on his back again. His hand on Kihyun’s chest can feel how fast his heart is beating. Kihyun is panting, lips already swollen and bitten red, glistening from the tongue kissing. He leans down to kiss him again, but he doesn’t touch his lips for more than two seconds.

He gets up, grabbing his wallet from the floor. Kihyun sits up watching him, worried. When he sees that Hoseok is coming back with lube and a condom, he lies down again, relieved.

Hoseok smiles. It’s nice. Drunk Kihyun at least wants him. He doesn’t know when sober Kihyun will decide what’s up in his head, but he’s already decided that he’ll settle with the drunk one for tonight.

Getting back on the bed, Hoseok lets all of his emotions show. He shows how hurt he is. He straddles Kihyun’s chest, tearing up a lube package and pouring the liquid on his fingers. He stares down at Kihyun while pushing one finger inside him, working himself open.

Kihyun is staring. His eyes are watering up. It doesn’t take more than a few seconds for him to stop Hoseok. He grabs Hoseok’s hand and makes it go away, lubes his middle finger and pushes it inside Hoseok while his lips are finding his abdomen.

Hoseok grunts. He closes his eyes, throws his head back. He grabs Kihyun’s hair and focuses on the feeling of the lips on his skin and the finger inside him. When Kihyun very carefully rubs his pad on a certain spot, he moans.

Kihyun pushes a second finger in and Hoseok’s back arches. Kihyun is fucking him with his fingers and it feels so, so good. He knows what he’s doing, he notes. But he doesn’t have the right to complain that other people have touched Kihyun, because he and Kihyun have nothing. They’re not together. And it’s not like he’s been a saint either.

He looks down and makes Kihyun stop. They change positions again. Hoseok falls on the bed on his side with his knees curled and his legs close to his chest as Kihyun unrolls the condom on himself. He watches as the younger covers himself with lube. Kihyun is holding his thigh in the air while lining himself at his entrance. He stops. Searches for Hoseok’s eyes. Hoseok looks back at him and Kihyun pushes in, holding his gaze.

He enters slowly. Gives Hoseok time to adjust. Hoseok averts his gaze and takes a deep breath.

“You can move.”

Kihyun’s hands travel over his legs and lower back as he starts moving. He pulls out and pushes in setting a slow steady pace, bottoming out every time. His hands go to Hoseok’s arm and the back side of his thigh, he caresses him softly. He leans down to kiss his shoulder and Hoseok feels something else wet on his skin too.

He looks up. Kihyun is crying again. He doesn’t get it, why is he crying? Isn’t this what he wanted? All this time Kihyun has been shamelessly flirting back with him, all this time Kihyun was probably aware of his own sexuality. And he knew way before that, about Hoseok’s feelings. So what’s wrong now?

Hoseok pulls himself off of Kihyun and lies on his back. He lets Kihyun slide in again and pulls him closer. He kisses his tears away while wrapping his legs around his waist. He kisses his lips and he feels the softness in Kihyun’s lips, in the way he kisses him back. _What’s wrong, Kihyunnie?_

Wrong? By why must this be wrong? Kihyun unwraps his legs and holds them against his chest as he hides his face in the crook of his neck. He’s thrusting inside him and it feels as if everything is right and everything is wrong at once. How is he gonna look at Kihyun tomorrow? How is Kihyun gonna look at him?

Hoseok already decided that he doesn’t care about that tonight. He’ll let things happen. He’ll hold Kihyun and let Kihyun hold him. They’ll touch each other the way they want to. Everything else can wait for tomorrow. The pain, the guilt, the regret. It can all wait.

Kihyun’s hold on the back of his thighs hurts. He lets his hands roam on Kihyun’s back and he scratches. Kihyun moans and speeds up, lips moving lower to leave marks on Hoseok’s chest. He takes his nipple in his mouth and sucks hard, nibbles, sucks harder. Hoseok doesn’t know where to focus. He tries to take his neglected cock in hand but Kihyun pushes his hand away again.

Everything’s too much and not enough at once. He pushes Kihyun on his back again and starts riding him, fucking himself on him, trying not to add too much pressure on the slender body under him. He leans down to bite his lips and kiss them, scratches his chest, grips his arms hard enough to leave bruises. He sucks on his neck without caring about the obvious marks they’re leaving on each other.

He can feel himself getting closer despite not having touched himself. He grabs Kihyun’s hands, pins them above his head on the mattress, intertwines their fingers. Kihyun is trembling under him.

That’s not good. Kihyun is coming. But he’s trembling. Like he was trembling that day in the kitchen. Like he was trembling that day he broke his heart. What was he thinking? Now he’s just gonna look at him and tell him that all of this was a joke. A mistake. A way to pass time. Whatever. But he’s not gonna hug him and tell him that everything’s gonna be okay. He’s not gonna pet his hair and kiss him goodnight. He’s not gonna tell him that he’s in love with him and that they can try to be together.

Hoseok comes crying out Kihyun’s name. He looks at the younger man, still holding his hands, and he doesn’t have to courage to go for another kiss. A last kiss. Not on the lips anyway. He leans down and kisses Kihyun’s cheek closing his eyes. When he looks at him again, Kihyun has fallen asleep.

Hoseok stares at him for a few seconds before getting up, as quietly as he can. He takes Kihyun’s condom off and cleans them both with a wet towel, then gets dressed and opens the door. No one is outside.

He looks back at Kihyun, sleeping peacefully on the bed. He doesn’t know what tomorrow will bring, but he knows it won’t be Kihyun. He stares for several seconds before stepping out and closing the door behind him, promising himself this is the last time he allows that man to hurt him.

**Author's Note:**

> Pain, I love it.   
> Please direct your complaints to [fatherwon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fatherwon/), she was a catalyst in deciding to write this.   
> You can always come talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/chaerinsthighs)  
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
